Day Forty: support

Word of the Day: support

Image of the Day: Pookie on his day-bed

Token of the Day: two badges - love and free

Day Forty - the last day in this particular journey. We are at Samye Ling and i am sitting on the wall surrounding Green Tara. It is late afternoon and the sound of birds fills the air. There are blackbirds, robins, chaffinches, sparrows, pheasants, peacocks, crows and moorhens. Occasionally a buzzard mews as it glides on the high thermals. The air is so soft. A gentle breeze keeps prayer flags at work sending blessings and yearnings on their way. The sun still has warmth in it - we are in t-shirts and i'm wearing sunglasses!

support - physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, academic.

Supporting others through prayer, listening, advice, holding, giving (of food, shelter, money, clothes).

God is our support, the cornerstone, pillar of strength, protector, guide...but what does that mean? Sometimes i can feel an angelic presence, usually behind me with arms coming round me, wings outstretched to protect, or wrapping round to embrace. I often see an angel standing over someone during healing. The angel-light creates a glow over the body, warmth and love pulses gently. I have also experienced Jesus kneeling at my feet. The support is less of a holding-me-up-and-helping-me-on-my-way and more of a simple holding me while i rest, loving me as i doubt, ministering to me humbly. It has taken me a long time to accept this blessing. These are occasional experiences but they leave lasting impressions.

The rest of the time i experience God supporting me through people. As Teresa of Avila put it:

Christ has no body now but yours
No hands, no feet on earth but yours
Yours are the eyes through which He looks compassion on this world
Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

We need to be as Christ to one another. Support is not necessarily solving problems. It might be accompanying someone during their time of problem-solving, creating space for them, providing food or shelter, hugs, a listening ear.

Often i get support and the giver is unaware of their act. A smile, a nod of acceptance, a thank-you can each give me the support i need to continue on my path. Permission to stop and rest might be given by example - i mirror a behaviour i see modelled which resonates with me.

I am so grateful for these forty days of challenge, reflection, discovery. I have learnt much, journeyed far, and have known the company of angels throughout.

For Pookie to reappear on Day Forty is wondrous - i am sure he has no idea how much he supports me!

Heartfelt thanks go again to Gail for the inspiration, creativity and generosity she shows me. I thank God for bringing us together and i thank God that we are companions on the way.

Day Thirty-Nine: Understanding

Word of the Day: understanding

Image of the Day: snow angel at the labyrinth

Token of the Day: little notebook with pink flower on cover; also another mini-tile

Day 39's entry was written on Day 40 on Fairy Hill, Samye Ling Tibetan Buddhist Monastery

it is sitting on an old tree stump
knowing one has arrived
there is a sense of coming home
understanding because one is understood

there is knowledge, comprehension
yes
but
more
there is that familiarity,
empathy,
trust

so, as i sit on this old tree stump
i become the tree
i feel my roots bedding down
in the moss
and the pine needles
and i sense my heart
warming, opening
to the hearth of,
no the very fire of
the wonder of understanding.

So it turns out that understanding comes not from books, learned people, years of academic study but from finding that place of knowing that is within one's own being. It has elements of trust and intuition, not simply head knowledge. The "educated heart" is the key.

Gail found the snow angel on one of her regular visits and walks at the labyrinth - a place and a practice that she finds very helpful as a spiritual practice. Gail has taught me that all the parts that make up my self are actually acceptable (see entry on acceptance!), to be embraced and understood. I am starting to understand myself better by finding what resonates with my soul - and Fairy Hill is a very good place to begin!

Day Thirty-Eight: tears (typed up on Day 39)

Word of the Day: tears

Image of the Day: blue Buddha head at our front door

Token of the Day: coaster with a tear-shaped/fish/eyes pattern in
green-blue

tears
of sorrow, joy
pain, liberation
cleansing, scalding
i cry easily, often
tears of long ago
uncried, unsoothed
making up for lost time - blocked tear ducts
over-sensitive? over-emotional?
hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant,
grieving, angry, sad, lost.

Crocodile tears
laughter of hyenas
doleful donkey
bear-hugs.

Gail brought me two boxes of tissues for my journey of tears. Pooh, Eeyore and Tigger bounce happily on the sides of the boxes. Last night i shed tears of laughter. Cathartic, energising. So many days i cry tears of pain, sorrow, confusion, old fears, and i am left exhausted, sometimes beweildered, sometimes wondering if it will ever end, if one day i will only have left the tears that belong to the present and have laid to rest these echoes, the sound and still-raw emotion of my younger self.

Jesus wept. The shortest sentence in the Bible, one used by many as a curse, a simple exclamation of surprise, blasphemous. If the Christ cried and it is recorded for us to read and contemplate why is it so difficult for us to cry, to be seen crying, or to observe someone else crying?

Is it similar to our discomfort around laughter? Are we simply ill-at-ease with emotion? Do we fear its power, what it might reveal, how it might influence? The fact that i cry is not a demand for the "observer" to give in to me, to forgive me, or whatever yet so often i find i need to explain this. we associate crying with being either a child or with being unhinged. The first is allowed in society, the second is tolerated but not particularly accepted...

When i cry in a meeting, an encounter, or a situation i am being authentic, feeling my feelings. Sometimes my tears are a form of expressing anger but very often they are simply tears of sorrow. And this makes people uncomfortable. The only place where i regularly encounter people shedding tears in a group context is at church. It would be a rare event for an entire service to go by with nobody crying. Usually it isn't me doing the crying but when i have done it has felt fine (so long as i have enough tissues to hand!). I have felt supported, held, accepted. Crying is biblical (697 references for verses associated with crying (weep, cry, tears)...) Perhaps it should be a spiritual practice!

How many accounts are there of statues, usually of Mary, crying?

The most famous in Europe was in 1953 when a small statue of Mother Mary kept weeping profusely. Scientists even took samples of the tears and announced that they could not differentiate it from human tears. The Catholic Church took it as a miracle and the statue is still housed in a shrine specially built for it, and receives worshippers and visitors every year...

A final quote:

An organization called Grief Recovery shares some intriguing advice to those who walk with those who grieve. What are your thoughts about what is written? “We must still ask, what purpose or value, if any, does crying have in recovery from loss. Let us say that crying can represent a physical demonstration of emotional energy attached to a reminder of someone or something that has some significance for you. We encourage someone who is crying to ‘talk while you cry.’ The emotions are contained in the words the griever speaks, not in the tears that they cry.”- www.grief-recovery.com

Postscript to Day Thirty-Six: acceptance

I had a feeling that i hadn't quite finished my blog entry. I turned the page in my book to start the next word only to discover that there were indeed more words on acceptance...

I knew there were another couple of quotes that i had read and found helpful. Here they are:

apathy doesn't distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped, acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyses the desire to take action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burden. [Arthur Gordon]

If i could define enlightenment briefly i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is. [Wayne Dyer]

So am i any closer to understanding acceptance? It is taking on the mantle, agreeing to a task, belief in something, the state of being accepted or acceptable, receiving something offered, especially with gladness or approval. But acceptance can also mean being resigned to, and the notion of being acceptable has come to imply that something is okay but not great. For example, secondhand books sold on Amazon use the phrase to mean that the book is readable, worth a few pennies but not good, certainly not like new! But this is certainly not what the word meant originally. Its roots are from the Latin acceptare, frequentative of accipere to receive (ad-, ad-+capere, to take). There are 24 occurrences in the Bible, including acceptance with God - an act of pure grace in Romans 4:16. And there are 48 occurrences of acceptable in the Bible, including: acceptable in Your sight meaning pleasing in Your eyes in Psalm 19. It is clear that we have lost much of the richness of the word. Perhaps we can rediscover acceptance as a positive concept, to be sought out rather than shunned...

Day Thirty-Seven: courage

Word of the Day: courage



Image of the Day: ice angel

Token of the Day: Fruit of the Spirit bracelet - joy


Gail writes: May you know the courage of the lion and the peace of God

Hmmm, courage after acceptance...the Serenity Prayer again. Do i have the courage of my convictions? Can i stand up for what i believe? Stand against injustice?

Iyanla Vanzant in her "Tips for Daily Living" asks: Are you willing to stand in the power of authenticity today? She says "If people don't know who you really are, they draw conclusions based on who you are not."

Courage - the lion in The Wizare of Oz. He was brave, risked his own life, when those he loved were in danger. He wore his heart on his sleeve and stood up for what he believed in - friendship, honour, respect.

Courage isn't about risking everything just to prove a point, to be seen to be big and brave. No, courage is acting with conviction, compassion, and passion. It is speaking truth to power with love, doing an act out of simple love, desire to help with no thought of reward. It is being present and mindful rather than following the crowd. Courage is hearing the voice of the Cosmic Christ and responding.

The courage to change the things i can...

I am not a puppet only able to move when God manipulates my strings. God has given me independent movement. I can choose, indeed i must choose. Where does the courage come from? From within, but drawing strength from others, from companions on the way, from trusting, having faith in God.

Acting with courage involves risk, energy, trust. It can be seen as foolish, unwise but, like Francis, perhaps i can be a fool for God...

Day Thirty-Six: acceptance

Word of the Day: acceptance

Image of the Day: Highland cow in snow

Token of the Day: tumbled amethyst stone

Light amethyst represents acceptance in religious jewellery, such as the Serenity Prayer (see later in this blog entry for more on this prayer) http://www.beadsbyk.com/_wsn/page3.html. It is also used for healing, power and protection; is one of the stones connected with Aries, and is connected with the seventh chakra (crown or pineal gland). It was often used for drinking vessels as it was believed to prevent drunkenness (the word amethyst comes from the Greek for without drunkenness!) and protect against poisoning.

Acceptance -
of self,
of others,
of situation/place/event.

That's the best i can do
reality bits hard
my imagination bites harder
acceptance of a bad situation
equals giving in, giving up
there are times where
non-acceptance is the key
yet there are others where acceptance
liberates and brings joy.

Life in abundance available through acceptance; understanding others is wisdom and knowing myself is enlightenment... Why is it so damned difficult to accept the obvious, that i am, you are, we are, and then simply get on with living? That's a rhetorical question by the way!

I turn to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements". These agreements are the hooks on which we should hang our life - don't make assumptions, always do your best, don't take anything personally, be impeccable with your word.

You don't need the acceptance of others. You don't need knowledge or great philosophical concepts. You have the right to be you, and you express your own divinity by being alive and by loving yourself and others.

Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them this means that we don't really like them. It is easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be instead of trying to change that person.

accept this -
i am not yet comfortable
in this
body, this
mind, this
world.

i will not resign myself
yet i will seek to be present
in my body,
in my mind,
in this world.

that's the best i can do
reality bites hard
(my imagination bites harder)
acceptance of a bad situation
equals giving in, giving up
there are times where non-acceptance
is the key
yet there are others
where acceptance
liberates and brings joy.

Having written that i found the following quote:

Accepting does not necessarily mean 'liking', 'enjoying', or 'condoning'. I can accept what is - and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck. [Nathaniel Branden]

Acceptance is a tricky concept, one that requires consideration and careful discerning to know whether or not it is appropriate or not. Should i accept that i'm going to die as opposed to deny that i will ever die? Well, yes it seems obvious that i should do that but should i accept i'm going to die and give up living? Probably not. That is the tricky, uneven ground that surrounds the subject of euthanasia, assisted dying. True acceptance is not a passive giving up but an active embracing of that which is.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is attributed to St Francis of Assisi but is known by many of us as the AA Prayer. May i have these words always on my lips, in my being, engraved on my soul.

Day Thirty-Five: perseverance

Word of the Day: perseverance

Image of the Day: book cover image

Token of the Day: woven bookmark

Gail writes: keep going...

Yes, keep on keeping on, stand firm.

Perseverance
gritted teeth
head down
leaning into the howling winds
determined

Must get there
need to be there
blow winds, do your worst
send storm, send snow
send floods full-flow
my sights are set,
my mind made up
my spirit will not wilt.

There is something of stubbornness in the concept of perseverance but somehow i see perseverance as more intelligent, more thought through than mere obstinance. I think of the saints of old, rowing coracles across oceans, battling with dragons, building churches stone by stone. Stubbornness has pride attached to it, perseverance is shrouded in humility. It is both the manner in which the journey or process is undertaken, the spirit in which it is carried out and also the end-point, outcome, result.

So i might be stubborn about certain things such as something being done my way. Where perseverance comes in, i think, is where the "thing" is attached to my vision (see Vision blog entry!). And if i am congruent, discerning, insightful i can let go of my attachment to the precise "how", i can be passionate and yet mindful, enjoying the process and prayerfully working towards the actualisation of my vision.

Then i turn to my laptop to see what others say about perseverance. Dictionaries define it as:

• the steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, a purpose
• steadfastness
• the Calvinistic doctrine that those who have been chosen by God will continue in a state of grace to the end and will finally be saved
• persevere - to persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.

And the etymology is from the Latin for very severe - per-severus

Henry Ward Beecher put it well when he said:

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.

And what does the Bible say about perseverance? Well there is no shortage of references to it throughout both the Old Testament and the New. Allusions to life as being a race, or series of races towards a goal. We are urged to stand firm in Christ, persevere with faith and victory will be ours. I am uncomfortable with much of the language as it is militaristic, triumphalistic, competitive. I am unconvinced that such a way of being is the way of Jesus.

What does Buddhism say? Well, there are still some references to victory and to wearing perseverance as armour but there is also this:

Self-discipline brings us into relationship with one of the six perfections of the bodhisattva, that of enthusiastic perseverance, which implies the willingness to engage in a process with effort and enthusiasm over a prolonged period. No material or spiritual qualities are gained without some degree of effort. Perseverance enables the practitioner to carry on and trust in the process, even when it feels hopeless. It makes it possible to face difficulties and obstacles in the path with confidence and courage, rather than giving up because it feels too hard. Self-discipline helps us remain in the vessel and not run away. [Rob Preece, The Psychology of Buddhist Tantra]

Jesus persevered. He loved the seemingly unlovable, he spoke peace to war-mongers, simplicity to tax-collectors, and he taught the busy how to sit and be. He persevered all the way to the Cross and beyond it and he perseveres still. The Christ does not give up on us. God does not cast us aside because the task is too difficult.

May i persevere with learning how to live, how to love. I'll end today with some more quotes on the subject. Perhaps one of them will speak to you as it has done to me.

When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."~Author Unknown

...I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes."...~© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation, www.oriahmountaindreamer.com

Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. ~Charles F. Kettering

Saints are sinners who kept on going. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. ~Buddhist Saying

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. ~Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker, © Flavia.com

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings

The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground. ~Author Unknown

Fall seven times, stand up eight. ~Japanese Proverb