Gail writes: apparently one of the top three qualities wanted/desired/needed in a counsellor/friend/ fellow human being - to form a good/supportive/helpful/ positive relationship... the other two are empathy and acceptance.
Congruence - a word i hear and have used without really knowing, in the head sense, exactly what it means yet trusting it more than honesty, genuineness in this day and age. In addition to these meanings congruence is a mathematical term meaning: Coinciding exactly when superimposed: congruent triangles; of, or relating to, two numbers that have the same remainder when divided by a third number. For example, 11 and 26 are congruent when the modulus is 5. Okay, that is way beyond me! I have a huge block when it comes to maths, a resistance to understanding, and a lack of desire to comprehend.
I see and hear the phrase genuine sale and mistrust it. The provider of this phrase seems to be using genuine as if adding this word will draw us in more than simply stating that there is a sale on. Somehow i find it disingenuous, incongruent. And when someone says No, honestly i feel that they are trying too hard to make me believe them and i question what is being said. Simply my paranoia? Or a reflection on 21st century living? We no longer believe in each other, we lack trust, we are incongruent with ourselves, with each other, with the universe.
Congruence and authenticity appear in my internal dictionary as having more weight, more substance. I long to live authentically, congruently. What do i mean by this?
- A life-long process of seeking to better understand myself, face my shadows and learn to embrace them rather than trying to run away from them (remember the sorrow in Peter Pan's life, living without his shadow?).
- A conscious, intentional desire to be congruent in community. To speak plainly and to find ways in which to be spiritually congruent so that my whole life is brought into the light.
These are massive tasks which i do not write about lightly, nor do i want you to think that i'm looking for sainthood! I am discovering, through this blog and through other elements in my life, that i must constantly speak my truth so that i hear and see the challenges i am setting myself, so that i face up to my expectations and can choose to accept them or lay them down. Of course i would much rather live completely in the light with no shadows but the reality is that when a light is thrown on something a shadow is cast, the brighter the light the clearer the shadow so living congruently means creating harmony between light and shadow, celebrating it, embracing my personal chiaroscuro.
Congruence in community requires much attention to empathy, intuition, and love. Speaking plainly does not mean telling someone that their singing is awful, that their sermon bored me to tears, or that their bum does look big in that cassock! No, for me, it means supporting, encouraging, living with my fellow travellers on life's path. It means finding loving ways of speaking the truth so that what i say and do is life-giving, love-building, and also honest. Challenging? Of course... Essential? Yes.
In the second book of Corinthians Paul writes:
we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. 4:2
and in Ephesians:
God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth, and tell it in love - like Christ in everything... 4:15
Well, i'll keep trying...and you can keep letting me know lovingly how i'm doing!
The idea that came up from light and shadow was Plato's cave... interesting concept... light,dark,shadows... whats it all about?
ReplyDeletei also wonder if the light is from within? how many shadows does all that we are in this human form create?
and then we are back to congruent - light and shadow, genuine,